Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
