you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
