k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
