I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
