yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
