Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I want to fling myself into the sun
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
