Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
