dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Randomize
