There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
