Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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