One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
