Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
