don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
