lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the condom got lost in my hair
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
