What did we do last night that was yellow?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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