i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
