last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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