remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've blown a few things in my day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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