a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
