someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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