hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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