I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
