Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
