we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
