I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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