Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
