Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
