if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize