omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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