so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
