why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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