I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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