What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
