its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
