does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
