he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
