Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
