I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
