I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
