I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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