I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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