Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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