My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
