i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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