We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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