She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
