Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
