my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
