Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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