I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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