Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Say something about gay babies.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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