there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
