I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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