she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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