As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
