we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
