If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
