so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
