why didn't you poke me back
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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