end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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