i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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