Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
